I think who we are is something that is going to (and should) change through out our whole life. There is this weird idea that there is some end line when we should define our identities and just keep it forever. I refuse to do so. I want to evolve, I want to grow, I want to change my mind. Therefore any labels I'll come up with along the way, need to change together with me. And it is constant learning to be able to let them go, not to get too attached, for the reasons you describe. Putting yourself in a box, not matter how big, is always a constrain.
Yes!! “I refuse to do so. I want to evolve, I want to grow, I want to change my mind.” I couldn’t agree more.
Some identity labels feel more flexible than others, like curious vs. indifferent. I may be curious about a dozen things today or just one. I don’t need to meet a standard to call myself curious. But if I’m indifferent, that’s kinda it. The label has its own standard: zero interest.
"Some identity labels feel more flexible than others..."
Yesss!!
Which means some labels are just limiters and by ascribing to certain labels, we limit ourselves. And because labels aren't corporal (not the word I am looking for but if it works ebough to give you the gist of what I am trying to say), those limits are only in the mind.
Makes me curious the relationship between labels and mindset now...🤔
Perception is everything! What you call something impacts how you perceive it impacts your mindset (and actions and blah blah blah haha). Is that kinda where you were going?
Labels are a static thing where people are dynamic. A label can never contain a person, IMO. They can inform us and others. We have tons of them and they interact and intersect. So you being neurodivergent and I, while we have that same label, our dynamic nature changes it in a way. And not only am I neurodivergent but I am also an African American, a dingle mother, a middle-aged woman, disabled. I will never be just one of those things. I can only ever be it all. Not to say that one doesnt take center stage in different circumstances. But you can't extricate any one of our labels or identities from the others
Ohhh, I like the “it’s all a mixed bag” layer. You’re right. Two people could have the exact same labels, even the same basic identities, and would still be distinct from each other based on how everything interacts. I suppose identical twins are a good biological example of this!!
I think we get a little bit mixed up when it comes to identity. I think it might take a lifetime or defintely longer than up to 21 to even know our core identity.
We are born into a dynamic that we have no control over and it shapes who we are. Some of us think that is all there is and they live their lives that way, feeling dissonance and never knowing why.
I believe our identity doesn't start to take shape until we interrogate stuff, and experience stuff and not just by ourselves but with others.
So we can learn something from our parents, but it's not truly ours until we look at it, turn it around, wonder if this is me or them, what do I believe, what do others say about it, what do i think about what others think about it, etc. Then it starts to become more us but it doesn't end there because a person can never stand still in time. We have no choice but to move forward or back in relation to time. And so we grow or atrophy, and then we revisit whatever we initially learned from our parents and later interrogated, and then we interrogate it again, and a lot of times we update our beliefs about it.
I think that is what happens with identity in general. I am not who I was as a child, nor am I who I was at 16, 24, 36, or even 48, now that I am 49. Not even who I was yesterday. Because my experiences and the people I meet and interact with change me.
We are always changing, even if it is to just reinforce what we learned as children as we see the many different perspectives that interpret something.
A visual popped into my head when I read this. It’s like we’re all just toddlers playing with blocks in a playpen. We’re picking them up, looking at them, holding them, throwing them, putting them down, finding them again. All while having no idea that we’re just toddlers.
And it doesn’t really matter what we do with the blocks. Eventually, we’re going to leave them behind in the playpen.
Your visual gave me a visual 🤣. Of a kid playing with blocks that their parent calls toys. They've given a thing a label. But kids are more imaginative so maybe that child sees a spaceship and we limit them by telling them what is... which makes me wonder, do we teach creativity, imagination, aka out of the box thinking, out of our kids?!
But more to your visual, I think because of the inherent uncertainty and ambiguity in life, that we are kids who don't know what we don't know. And instead of acknowledging this, we give those things certainty, made up because we truly didn't know, and then we walk around believing reality is more certain than it is.
Society said you became an adult at 18 or 21 for certain things. Psychology and biology told us what it means to be a certain age. But what if all of life is us growing up and doing it at different times? When you think about it, we are always learning something no matter our age. Someone closed to learning... now that is a sad thing...
I think who we are is something that is going to (and should) change through out our whole life. There is this weird idea that there is some end line when we should define our identities and just keep it forever. I refuse to do so. I want to evolve, I want to grow, I want to change my mind. Therefore any labels I'll come up with along the way, need to change together with me. And it is constant learning to be able to let them go, not to get too attached, for the reasons you describe. Putting yourself in a box, not matter how big, is always a constrain.
Yes!! “I refuse to do so. I want to evolve, I want to grow, I want to change my mind.” I couldn’t agree more.
Some identity labels feel more flexible than others, like curious vs. indifferent. I may be curious about a dozen things today or just one. I don’t need to meet a standard to call myself curious. But if I’m indifferent, that’s kinda it. The label has its own standard: zero interest.
"Some identity labels feel more flexible than others..."
Yesss!!
Which means some labels are just limiters and by ascribing to certain labels, we limit ourselves. And because labels aren't corporal (not the word I am looking for but if it works ebough to give you the gist of what I am trying to say), those limits are only in the mind.
Makes me curious the relationship between labels and mindset now...🤔
Perception is everything! What you call something impacts how you perceive it impacts your mindset (and actions and blah blah blah haha). Is that kinda where you were going?
Labels are a static thing where people are dynamic. A label can never contain a person, IMO. They can inform us and others. We have tons of them and they interact and intersect. So you being neurodivergent and I, while we have that same label, our dynamic nature changes it in a way. And not only am I neurodivergent but I am also an African American, a dingle mother, a middle-aged woman, disabled. I will never be just one of those things. I can only ever be it all. Not to say that one doesnt take center stage in different circumstances. But you can't extricate any one of our labels or identities from the others
Ohhh, I like the “it’s all a mixed bag” layer. You’re right. Two people could have the exact same labels, even the same basic identities, and would still be distinct from each other based on how everything interacts. I suppose identical twins are a good biological example of this!!
I think we get a little bit mixed up when it comes to identity. I think it might take a lifetime or defintely longer than up to 21 to even know our core identity.
We are born into a dynamic that we have no control over and it shapes who we are. Some of us think that is all there is and they live their lives that way, feeling dissonance and never knowing why.
I believe our identity doesn't start to take shape until we interrogate stuff, and experience stuff and not just by ourselves but with others.
So we can learn something from our parents, but it's not truly ours until we look at it, turn it around, wonder if this is me or them, what do I believe, what do others say about it, what do i think about what others think about it, etc. Then it starts to become more us but it doesn't end there because a person can never stand still in time. We have no choice but to move forward or back in relation to time. And so we grow or atrophy, and then we revisit whatever we initially learned from our parents and later interrogated, and then we interrogate it again, and a lot of times we update our beliefs about it.
I think that is what happens with identity in general. I am not who I was as a child, nor am I who I was at 16, 24, 36, or even 48, now that I am 49. Not even who I was yesterday. Because my experiences and the people I meet and interact with change me.
We are always changing, even if it is to just reinforce what we learned as children as we see the many different perspectives that interpret something.
A visual popped into my head when I read this. It’s like we’re all just toddlers playing with blocks in a playpen. We’re picking them up, looking at them, holding them, throwing them, putting them down, finding them again. All while having no idea that we’re just toddlers.
And it doesn’t really matter what we do with the blocks. Eventually, we’re going to leave them behind in the playpen.
Your visual gave me a visual 🤣. Of a kid playing with blocks that their parent calls toys. They've given a thing a label. But kids are more imaginative so maybe that child sees a spaceship and we limit them by telling them what is... which makes me wonder, do we teach creativity, imagination, aka out of the box thinking, out of our kids?!
But more to your visual, I think because of the inherent uncertainty and ambiguity in life, that we are kids who don't know what we don't know. And instead of acknowledging this, we give those things certainty, made up because we truly didn't know, and then we walk around believing reality is more certain than it is.
Society said you became an adult at 18 or 21 for certain things. Psychology and biology told us what it means to be a certain age. But what if all of life is us growing up and doing it at different times? When you think about it, we are always learning something no matter our age. Someone closed to learning... now that is a sad thing...
Couldn’t agree more. 🖤